because i feel.

no heart rejects an attack  

it's like fate they will meet 

that fickle organ, it lacks

that prozac, mind incomplete 

naked body, glass sculpture 

exposed like your scent 

creating conjecture

straight to my heart it went

petrified, yet can't deny

this fucking feeling inside

forever love, be my harness 

so my fears wither and die

unafraid. these days.

surround sound system

encompasses dreams

lost to the everyday

music it seems

these spineless fences 

can't keep you out

playing in the water

but it feels like a drought 

stranded and waiting

of promised lands

but not a believer 

so falling in quicksand

in bed with the notion 

of freeing myself

my heart its ready 

so fuck mental health

so broken

a used token

buyer's remorse

fuck this course

feel my moans

deep in your bones

I’m faded

your jaded

It’s all a little

complicated

complicate me,

don’t call me maybe

one thing is certain

my soul’s a burnin’

it's been awhile. needless to say, i have been craving the smack down of some thoughts. so here's my latest list-style:

1.) i am human. and humanly, i crave company, desire to belong and fervor for the human touch.yet sometimes, i can't fathom the ignorance of my human race. just sometimes. 

2.) today more than most days i want to scream out against drama, pity parties, childishness(unless you are indeed a child) and tell said person to put on their big girl panties. nuff said.

3.) i want to live i mean really live. act on whim and fancy, go down the road not taken, not give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks and feel free from societal bondage. 

4.) i talked a lot about tattoos today, and how much i love them. and how sexy they are when carefully placed and done by a true artistic hand. and how much i love admiring them on others. and how much i don't ever want one. hmm, i think i lie to myself sometimes to avoid the truth. could it be?

5.) yea buddy. 

tucked away

they crush me

unknowingly.

joyful moments

are ephemeral

fades to blackness

more lasting.

this black sheep?

tired,

of your censure.

i have enough

disapproval of self.

you don’t know me

i wish you would.

abandon self

a bird yet no wings

soap can't cleanse

these thoughts that circle my mind.

fake apathy means

to give up one's breast

and so the soul dies a slow death.

disgusted with self

and this parallel semblance

that idles like marrow in my bones.

because music nourishes soul

an abundance of driving over the holidays has afforded music and i some quality togetherness. love this so much. i feel somehow closer to music when it's blasting through my car speakers as i speed down the highway. it's part of the appeal for me. well that and a little speed. who couldn't use some of that? 

the album that has definitely been on repeat in my car? The Avett Brothers, I and Love and You. this is one of those albums that speaks to me in a way nothing else can. it squashes my fears, deepens my love and inspires my dreams. all of this has spurred a list. an epic list of songs that has helped to shape me. so really, this is a sneak peak into my soul. 

every song on I and Love and You. enough said.

"touch, feel and lose" Ryan Adams. he has such white boy soul. and this song. LOVE.

"fake empire" The National. cuts to the core of how i feel some days

"little lion man" Mumford & Sons. major air play usually curbs the appeal of a song for me temporarily. not this one. pure nostalgia hits the heart heavy here. we would take liam for these epic drives after he was first born. this song played. and played. he has since been referred to as the little lion man. liam jodie neilson, i love  you so.

"lost in my mind" The Head and the Heart. sound familiar?

"skinny love" Bon Iver. please. listen to. this song.

also.
saw this band on new year's eve.
Roman Holiday.
 they are quite wonderful.